“Riding a mule while seeking a mule”

“Riding a mule while seeking a mule”
                                    Old Zen Saying

"Investigate Right Where You're Standing"
                                     Master Chu-hung

                      Dogen, described meditation as an easy practice open to everyone. But I have found it requires resolve and determination to continue it over the years. My Sensei says it becomes easier the more you do and can even become addicting. But over those long years my body has rebelled and now my sitting can involve 10 times the pain it did when I was younger, in fact when I was younger there was little or no pain in sitting, now my arthritis strikes at me like some demon from another world. And in truth I am embarrassed and ashamed when the flames of time drive me to sit in a chair rather than on a cushion. I some times think my time has passed, that I have somehow missed the boat on this go around. Other times I simply sit and just don’t have a care one way or the other.
      Taking the 2 positions at once, seeking without trying to obtain, I often seem to sense the truth lurking in some dark corner of my mind, and then it’s gone, nothing left but the wind and the dew upon the grass. No wonder, no awe,  just the emptiness of a field left unplowed.  I don't know why but there seems to be a sadness in it.