Tuesday, January 25, 2011


With the loss this Saturday of my wife of 35 years I have been cut in half. I can not even feel the loss, I am just numb. Can half a person sit and find wisdom? I can now speak to some but have nothing to say to anyone. I do not dream.

This morning early in the hours of the day, I told myself I must finish what I have started. Her death was not about me, her life was not about me, she is the one who is taking the journey past knowing, not I. All this pain is mere self indulgence and ego.

All that I have chosen to accept, rebirth Karma and the words of the tathagata say I will dance this dance with her a million times and a million more, that we will spin off through eternity in different guises and different aspects sharing tears that will fill the oceans and joys that will light the sky’s of a million worlds.

How I would rather that the Christians were correct, that she resides in their heaven, and that once in a million eons the dammed are allowed out of hell for a short time, the so called Refrigerium. Then I could visit her and we could laugh for a while. But I think not.

1 comment:

  1. My heart goes out to you. I lost two people I love with a six month period in 2010. I didn't dream at all for nearly two years.

    I've started dreaming again; dreams that leave me feeling close to them, not missing them so much.

    Your dreams will return. Be gentle with yourself. It never stops hurting but it does get easier.

    Be well, friend;